Well, after having to flee the country in fear of retribution when the last blog went live, guess who’s back? That’s right; there’ve been a few changes in ol’ Clem Town so it’s about time to get everyone caught up on the lowdown. Let’s get started with the matches, hatches and dispatches!
Here comes the bride…
Mel Woolley recently became Mel Browning. After the ceremony Kim’s worst nightmare came true when he forgot to take his wide-angle lens for the wedding photos. We’re still not actually sure what Mel’s husband looks like but there is apparently a photo of him on page 463 of the Guinness Book of Records.
Congratulations, Mel!
Adrian tied the knot with Tess in a ceremony that was so quick you could have blinked and you’d have missed it – which was quite like the engagement, really. Congratulations, Adrian!
Arrivals Gate 1
Clemenger welcomes Matt Fishburn to its hallowed halls. Matt sauntered in with his George Clooney-esque salt and pepper hair (complete with styling product) and the girls went weak at the knees. Jo was very glad she’d picked her outfit wisely on his first day, and was later heard to ask “Can Joseph leave too so we can get another one?”
Meanwhile, Joseph was just glad he hadn’t called shotgun.
Departures Gate 4
We sadly farewelled our little Kristy Eakins last month. Since leaving the bright lights of Tas-vegas, Kristy has bagged herself a brand new job in accounts at McCann Erickson; and has “been partying a bit at the local” and making a right twit out of herself – so it’s just like normal really. In her last weeks, Kristy’s trail of destruction extended from Fishburn’s office – to the raspberry-blowing incident at T42 – all the way to Salamanca – where, apparently, Joseph and Alice are still a bit tipsy out the front of the Quarry.
Buns in ovens
Just in case you didn’t know, Jaya’s popping quite soon. Marcus has decided there will be a dual cab ute to celebrate. Creative is currently taking bets on gender, weight and its ability to carry loads of firewood.
Since there have not been any untimely departures from the Clems team, we’ll just tell you who’s on holidays.
World Watch
Stephanie Teague is currently off baby-sitting in WA. Miners’ wives have found out about Stephanie’s ‘Playing Granny Childcare Centre’ and have been dropping the kids off by the truckload while they go to the pub. Stephanie has made good use of the kiddies – having them break down AC Nielsen polls.
Sue Allingham is searching high and low for Europe’s best wine to add to her collection that she keeps somewhere in the building. Yes, Sue has a stash. I know I’ll be looking for it while she’s away. Who’s with me?
Simon Gross will be harassing cab drivers and eating hot dogs in New York quicker than you can say “pass the canoli”. He still hasn’t received the keys to the apartment he’s rented and paid for – so keep an eye on the papers, he may have just fallen for the biggest scam we’ve ever seen.
Lindsey Nicholls is back from turning herself into a giant souvlaki in Greece, having already filled herself with enough chocolate and stinky cheese in Switzerland. She’s missing Greece so much that she’s applied for a full-time position at Mykonos in Sandy Bay just to keep up the grease intake.
And in more important agency news…
World Health Organisation Warning
Experts have confirmed rumours of Tony White’s elephantitis, which was the cause of recent coffee machine and boys’ toilet lightswitch breakages. Closely related to bull-in-a-china-shop-itis, it is not contagious and we’re hopeful it will resolve itself soon.
The Emperor’s New Clothes
Yes, you might not believe it but Marcus has new clothes. (Still no undies though, apparently?) The army disposals store hasn’t seen this much business since… well… the last time he visited. Clothes aren’t the only new addition – he is also sporting a new wrinkle from a recent campaign. Just in case you doubt his stress, Marcus has taken to picking up the phone when he receives email alerts.
Important news from the AFA
The Advertising Federation of Australia has produced a detailed report outlining vital statistics about the respective heights of Australian strategy planners. Joseph has expressed his concern over the validity of the report.
A tale from head office
Don got a new printer.
Mix’n’ Match
Sue threw a BIG hissy fit about the new boy getting the big office. Matt has been relegated next door to Hall Monitor Joseph – creating Clemenger’s new power couple “Ma-Jo”. They’ll soon be giving the ‘old boys across the hall’ a run for their money!
Big girls don’t cry
Thommo was reading Women’s Weekly the other day (hilarious in itself) and found out Catriona Rowntree was married. He then proceeded to cry uncontrollably on the spot. True story.
Apologies for this blog being about as long as a John Grisham novel.
Next time I ask and you say you “don’t have any gossip”, I’ll know you’re all telling fibs.
So until next time little kiddies,
Your stirrer of gossip and trouble,
Redhead Matches.
